We’ll start with a bang to get everyone’s attention:
I ONCE PURPOSEFULLY IGNITED A FULL BOX OF MATCHES IN MY CLOSED FIST
So what’s your reaction?
OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! ?
HO-LY …!! ?
OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! ?
[stunned silence] ?
OOOWWWWWWWW!!! OWWWWWWWWWW!! OWWWWWWWWW!! ?
My guess is all of the above, and then some.
Try these…
My top 5 most painful injuries, as inflicted on myself, in reverse order:
5) When I was 14, I stabbed a pencil into my finger whilst in the middle of a class at school.
4) When I was 21, I whipped myself so hard with a belt it I couldn’t sit, lean or lie on my back for just under a week.
3) A couple of days before being diagnosed as having a breakdown, I was sitting on a beach in Port Fairy. I started a small fire, took one of the burning sticks, and burned both my chest and shoulder. It was this event that made me realise I needed to see a doctor!
=2) That box of matches hurt like…well…a box of matches igniting in your closed fist!!!!! I had burns on the palm of my hand, thumb and two fingers for weeks.
=2) In July 2007, I knocked myself unconscious by throwing myself into a tree.
1) The cutting/hitting/burning incident in May 2007 prior to my suicide attempt.
I had to start like that! There was no other way to do it. Like every single form of mental health problem that exists, we need to talk about self harm in order for the stigma to be eliminated. The only way to do this is in a blunt, bloody and brutal way.
Hurting yourself is NOT about attention!
Hurting yourself is NOT about wanting to kill yourself!
Hurting yourself is NOT about bloody EMO!!
Hurting yourself is NOT about proving how cool you are!!
Hurting yourself is NOT about having a weakness of personality!
Hurting yourself is NOT about self-hate!!
Hurting yourself IS a symptom of a larger problem!
Hurting yourself IS a symptom of a larger problem which the person may not even be aware of!!
Hurting yourself IS AN ADDICTION!!
Pure and simple.
Even though burning myself with that stick hurt like nothing else, I’ve still burned myself since. Even though I couldn’t sit down for a week, I’ve still whipped myself again. Even though I bled all over my school books, I still stabbed myself with a pencil again.
Like any form of addiction – gambling, drugs, smoking, chocolate, porn – you simply have to do it again, only with every new time you do it, it has to be bigger in order for you to receive the same “hit”. Cutting yourself once will do the trick, but sooner or later you find you need to cut yourself dozens of times to receive the same fix. This is where the problem hits, because sooner or later you’re slicing a pound of flesh from your arm and not even feeling it.
This is where people who aren’t even suicidal are killing themselves by accident.
I’m not saying that everyone who self harms isn’t suicidal, nor am I saying that anything which I have written above about what self harm is/is not is set in stone. People self-inflict for all sorts of reasons, but from my experiences not only with my own self harm but also talking with people, who do the same thing, they aren’t suicidal or weak (in fact, some of the people who self-inflict that I know personally are the strongest most beautiful souls I’ve ever met)
I started self harming in 1993 whilst I was at school. I was able to get this under control by mid-1999 whilst working at the video shop. Throughout my time backpacking I was not having any urges to do so and thought I had it under control.
I did relapse however during the last four months of 2000; whilst trying to cope with Rachel’s death, restarting college and after my first suicide attempt [remember that word for later; after.]
From December 2000 to December 2006 I only self harmed on two occasions. It wasn’t until my breakdown in March 2007 that I relapsed and once more began doing so. I was able to get it under control again between May 2007 and July 2007, but suffered another major relapse, and have self-inflicted on/off since.
The last time I self-inflicted was two days after my last suicide attempt, October 2007 [and note the use of the after again].
My trick with self-harming was to attack parts of my body which I could cover – legs, arms, buttocks, back, chest – by throwing on some form of clothing, beit a jumper on the middle of a summer’s day or a long sleeve T-shirt on a cooler one. Always with injuries which wouldn’t leave any long-long term scars.
I would always use similar methods – cutting, burning, scolding, hitting – and every now and then, when the mood struck, would become creative and run into trees or ignite boxes of matches in my closed fist.
I was never doing it because of wanting to kill myself, or hating myself, or wanting to prove how tough and resilient I was. Nor was I doing it for attention – if attention was all I was after I would release a wombat into a crowded shopping precinct or streak Brunswick Street on a Sunday afternoon. It was always about this PAIN-PLEASURE balance I mentioned in an earlier post.
(And no, I’m not referring to this pain-pleasure as in a sadomasochistic way – ‘cause if that was the case whenever I felt like self-inflicting I would just go visit a dominatrix and have some sexy woman whip me rather than doing it myself.)
I’m referring to the coping mechanisms people have when their internal pain becomes too great.
Remember I said earlier to note the use of the word after in relation to my suicide attempts. The reason I self-inflicted after those attempts was as a way to control the inner conflict, pain and turmoil my mind was going through as a result of them. It was a way to stop me from trying again! It wasn’t because I still wanted to die; it was because I wanted to live!
The other times I self harmed was as a way to feel something. Life had become numb, frustrating, painful, empty and meaningless. The over-riding feeling of loneliness and emptiness is a powerful influence, because we live to feel, and if we are feeling nothing then what is the point of being alive? Again I wasn’t self-inflicting because I wanted to die, it was because I wanted to feel something: to feel like I was alive!
Having a tree knock myself unconscious, burning my chest and not sitting down made me feel something that I was missing.
Hence, why, before my third suicide attempt I did self harm – as a means to grab some physical feeling. something to convince myself not to go through with what my brain was telling me to do. However, on this instance, no matter what pain I caused myself, it didn’t work.
Overcoming the urge to self-inflict has been one of the hardest things I have had to deal with through this tumultuous time suffering from depression.
As I said above, IT IS AN ADDICTION. Pure and simple!
And anyone who has tried giving up smoking or gambling or Lindt or badgers will know that overcoming addiction is fucking hard! Not only because of the pure level of addiction, but also because it means having to face up to whatever problem is feeding that addiction in the first place. Whatever buried pain is making us smoke, drink or gamble needs to be faced up to. In essence, we need to become whip-wielding dominatrixies in order to tame and eventually command our problems.
To overcome self-harm we, like with every form of mental illness, we need to start talking about it in order to understand it, in order to help people overcome and control their addiction.
So how can you help? If you know someone who self-harms here are a few pointers:
- Whatever they’re doing DON”T take it personally. It isn’t about YOU!
- Be available and LISTEN to them if they need to talk.
- ACKNOWLEDGE their pain, it won’t make it go away, but it will make it more bearable.
- DON’T avoid the subject or pretend it’s not there.
- ASK THEM “I know you hurt yourself and I would like to understand it a little more, could you maybe explain why you do it? I’d be grateful if you could.”
- DON’T confiscate their “tools” (because I guarantee you this will lose their trust and they will just get more creative anyway)
- BELIEVE in them and BE HOPEFUL
- DON’T push them
- TAKE the initiative and distract them; take them to the cinema, rent a DVD, bake some chocolate brownies, go to a trivia night, go for a walk, have a playful pillow or water pistol fight, hell, if they’re your bf or gf, do a seductive strip tease and get them thinking about that cute butt of yours.
- DO spontaneous acts of kindness
- Be available, and willing, to LISTEN if they need to talk.
- EDUCATE yourself – slip on your Willow hat and hop on the net for some research.
- SUPPORT them physically; call them up and tell them you’re worried about them and invite them over for a game of scrabble or a blueberry muffin.
- SUPPORT them emotionally; go to the Doctor/Psychologist with them.
And please, please…whatever you do…
- DO NOT TRY TO MAKE/ORDER THEM TO STOP!!!!!!!!! If you make them feel guilty, or punish them in any way, this will just add fuel to their addiction.
And please, please, please, please…whatever you do…remember to…
- Take TIME OUT and recuperate, caring/loving someone who suffers from any form of mental illness is exhausting and you need to look after yourself.
Although it’s confronting, brutal and painful to think that people you care about are inflicting this pain on themselves remember that to them it is merely an addiction. A symptom of a larger, possibly unknown illness or condition, and they just need some help and support in order to get them through it.
As we’ve all experienced from time to time: the over-riding feeling of loneliness and emptiness is a powerful influence. It’s time to stop judging people who self harm, and start understanding what they are feeling; it’s the only way to understand their pain.
More self-harm pages on this blog you may be interested in:
by Addy
Originally posted on All that I am, all that I ever was
i know EXACTLY how this feels! ohmigod i’ve been self harming since i was 11 and i finally found a site that knows how it is… thanx so much for that. ^_^
i didnt understand y cutting wuz so addicting but by readidng this i realized. people think i am the LAST person to cut cuz im so energetic; but they dont realize how i feeel inside.
i had a cutting problem and i got some help but when i got help..help was the worst thing i could of done it made things worse my father mad me feel like shit everyday and could careless of what was happening to me.i quite on my own and have never been prouder of myself. : )
I cut my left wrist for quite a long time. Id cover it with a sweatband. One day my mum saw them and flipped! she was threatening to have me sectioned and was screaming at me it was hard. That was about 3 months ago. I haven’t self harmed since but i feel shittier than ever. What few friends i did have have either deserted me or i think i may have pushed them away. So i feel seriously alone and crap and keep trying not to do it. So if anything has been working for me, it’s fear and guilt… Sarcasm sucks. My advise is, tell a close mate, not your parents unless your totally sure they wont go nuts at you.
hello I am 32 years of age I stated when I was 16 then again when I was 21 then at 31 I got married to a lovely women with great kids and she love my little just as much been married 4 8 months and now she has told me its over she can’t take no more and wants me to move out I have cut my arms legs and got a lighter and burned all my left arm I am scared of being on my on and lossing the best wife and family in my life
Im so glad other people understand how i fill. Im addicted to self harm i love how is fills when i do it. I last cut my arms im dec 07 but last week marked my arm with my nails that left a mark. Im not happy about it but i needed to do it.
I am addicted to cutting I have been a cutter for 7yrs now and i know i have hurt my family and friends so much. But seeing the blood some how helps me when i need to relive stress. But I know its bad but I cant help it
I have been a cutter for a year now. Still nobody knows about it, I’m scared to let them know…
By reading this blog, I just realized how addicted I am to it.
I just want to let you know that I used to cut for a year and a half until i told someone. even though i regreted it, it was the best thing i ever did for myself. the people who i thought would yell and scream only wanted to help, and anyone who didn’t care… didn’t know. Please feel free to email me if you ever want to talk. just so you know that someone is here for you. even if i don’t know what you look like lol
love,
Casie
i have a self mutilation problem and am not helping the stereotype of “emo”. i would like to stop doing it but it’s like quitting smoking for me..it’s hard. every time i go a few days without hurting myself in some way i go loco..just like cigarettes or not wearing my gloves for a day..my mom and step dad think that i stopped months ago but i still wear my long sleeved shirts and armbands. they praise me about it to..”Caleb i’m so proud of you for stopping hurting yourself.” it’s hard because if they ever found out again…my uncle told me that if i didn’t quit than he would make me bleed himself..and i am what society would view as “emo” even though they don’t know that i hurt myself…so i’m too much of a girly guy to defend myself against my uncle.
im so sorry but remember qod loves yu…hanq in there dear qod loves all his children..
i love you caleb, and im not mad at you. i want you to be able to talk to me but you dont!! Bob promised not to ever throw up anything you want to talk about in your face again. baby please talk to me!! you know im here anytime you need me weather anybody likes it or not!! like i told you before u are special because u are my first. im sorry for all you went through when u stayed with your dad when i left. you know if i had known i would have done my damnedest to get back to you . . please tell me whats going on and like i said if i dont know how to help you ill find someone or something that will. Mama
hey hun, i’m the photographer of that self harm statistic image
i’m flattered you use it and i support what you’re saying (though it would’ve been nice to hear it was going to be used o.0)
but best of luck though
thankyou for raising awareness
all the best
why do people apologise for cutting themselves? i love self harming….no apologies.
you are disgusting. you can’t get help until you want it. you are helping no one here. please never leave another comment as rude as that again.
Thats a good question, I’ve been wondering that myself. I’ve been cutting myself for over a year now, I eventually got freaked out when the cuts got very deep so I started telling people in order for me not cut. My parents never found out till I told them myself at the beginning of summer. Sometimes I wish that I never told anyone, or kept it between my close circle of friends. It seems now it would have made life that much easier, but it is for the better in the long run, isn’t it?
I now understand that it is a addiction
not just me being down, depressed or
emo as my ‘friends’ say.
3years and im the only one that
knows.
Thank you for helping people understandd.
Lyy
i cut too and this site…is really good..i was nearly crying when i read the do’s ad don’t’s a friend is like that to me…he is really the best help ever…
still i feel likr i’ll never stop…
scars don’t fade ( well mine don’t)..
xxx
mosa
14years
thats how long iv been cutting
i can count the number of people that know on my fingers
i havnt cut in about a month
it isnt easy but very do-able
im not sorry about what iv done but i wish i could have known a better way of copping
iv cut so deep 8 hours later i was still bleeding
i probly will end up cutting again and if i do i wont be annoyed at my self
ill just start counting the the days i cn go with out again
this is a long term problem and people dwont just stop
this is a realy good site for help and info
This was a really useful site, i’ve been self-harming since i was 9, i’m now 16 and yes i still do self-harm. I sort out help at the beginning of this year and i got hospitalized for 6months. I got diagnosed wih depression,anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.
I have tried on many a occasions to sto self-harming but have failed, going into hospital didnt really help to be honest but i meet lots of people in there that it did help and i’m really happy for them. Their self-harm free at the moment and i dont expect them not to have relapses but i’m here for them if they do and need to talk. I’m always here to listen.
This site is absolutely right about the FACT that self-harm IS AN ADDICTION!!
xoxox
P.S: If you could i would really like to talk with the person who wrote this article.
i love that you have put this up, i used to self harm all the time as well as god knows what else. then i met some one and it all stopped, he’s very special to me. we split up about a month ago, we still talk. but i had a slip up, it’s to be said it scares me that i slipped so easily he feels bad because he feels it is his fault. but it isn’t. reading this page made me upset because i thought i knew why i did it. by reading this i realise i didn’t have any idea.
thank you.
ive been cutting since i was 15 and i cant stop. i am now 18 1/2.
i have way to much pride to go get the help i need. my parents dont know and im glad. very few of my friends know that i cut. the ones who know, are very supportive and i love it. they know the shit my parents say to me to make me feel like shit everyday. if someone met me off the street, they would have no clue. im always that happy smiling girl in the room. i just have a lot of issues with control and dealing with things i cant control.
thanks for this…it explains a lot. Ive been self harming for a long time- from hair pulling to digging my nails in my skin, but for the past couple years its been cutting. im trying to quit but i feel like its the only way i can deal with when other people make me feel like shit…3 days ago i cut again. i need to stop but everytime i try something happens that makes me need to do it again
Hi, I’m editing an article for a student magazine about self-harm, and was wondering if I could use the image on this page as one of the pictures? I would be happy to credit it to your website or yourself. Thanks, Jude
Hello
Its really not good to self harm,the main thing is u have to keep our self busy and not give any time to think of unnecessary things we should keep our self busy is the best thing and we should not go to think all the bullshit things .
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Subhan
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i am 22 i have been a cutter since i was 9. my dads a pastor and a doctor in psychology. been a chemical drug addict untill acouple of years a go. i wish i could quit cutting. my dad still does not know… never will. i like to watch myself bleed out. no one else can hurt me. and i hurt my self so that i dont hurt anyone else. at least i am not the only one.
I am sadistic and masochistic….i have been doing self mutilation for 6 yrs now. I have done many forms including cutting, hair pulling, needle pricking, punching/slapping, burning, and intended vomiting…it is so hard to stop, it is an addiction, like cigarettes or drugs, which is what most people don’t understand, because they think you can just stop….just like you just started…most of the time it is not a suicide attempt, it is just a silent cry for help and stress relief, because we dont know how to handle stress, and for us, physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain…but other than the scars, we are normal people, so plz dont treat us any other way…
You are absolutely right. Self harm is an addiction. At the first sign that I am not in control of something in my life the feeling of needing to cut or wondering what it would be like driving into a tree on the side of the highway comes flooding in. I have had bouts of cutting since I was thirteen (eight years now) and while I consciously know that it is a sign of something wrong in my life it often seems an easier option than dealing with the real problem. Sigh. Wish me luck to not self mutliate and think about self harm as I go about breaking up with my fiance of four years!
darlinq your an inspiration i wish yu the best in life && always remember qod loves yu &&+ that it would help qetting a friendly campanion {my aunt qot one wen she broke up wiff dha love of her life for 9 years she was so hurt tat she wanted to commit suicide:[i love her 2 death && qot her a furry companion:]
Ive been self harming for 3 years now although I havnt done it in almost 6months. I thought the cravings would go away after a few months but they wont, the only thing that stops me is the look on my boyfirends face when he sees what I have done, his face just crumbles and he looks at me like ive hurt him in the worst way possible. Im scared what will happen if we ever break up and im scared that if he know that was why i dont cut anymore hed be to scared to leave me. I wish everything would just go away.
p.s For anyone that is living in Ireland there is a new councling center for people who have attempted or are thinking about suicide and self harmers. Its called Pieta House and its in Lucan. Its free of charge and works of doanations and its also completly confidential. I hope this information helps someone xxx
im 15 and have been self harming for 4 years…recently its become worse again…im supossedly talking to someone at school about it but i never go to sessions and when i do i dont admit how i truly feel. how would i know if i was suffeirng from depression…i really dont want to go and see a doctor…anyway what would they do to help..and my mums a nurse, i hate my paretns knowing what i do..but every time the school informs them i think my parents think i just stopa dn never do it again. it’s not that easy. just want some help and advice..and just a chat with people who know what im going through. actually understand me..dont just say ‘i know’ for the sake of it
x
I’m i dont cut, but i have lots of people in my life that do, and im really glad you listed the things to do to help.
it makes me feel much less helpless knowing that just being there can help.
i hope all of you have some one to help.
Great post, I am/ was the same way but only with cutting. I never got personal help, but I got out of the addiction on my own. Good job.
To be fair ii only cut when i’m really upset. I’m seen as emo for doing it too. The last time ii cut was only recently tonight around nine. I done it last night and its just started off this hard addiction that i’ll not be able to quit for a few months at least!
The first time ii cut my friends were right their for me, supporting me and trying to help. As soon as it got around my year, ii was in for it, ii got even more suicidal and stuff seemed to just mount up. TBH most of the time it was out of anger toward other people that ii hurt myself and also ii attempted an OD, obviously ii survived but my stomach still pains to this day so yeah DONT TRY IT PEOPLE !!!!!, that was due to me genuinely wanting to die.
Cutting is addictive whether yoo have a mental illness or not as soon as yoo put a blade to yoor wrist and cut thats it yoor hooked from that moment after! Nobody thought ii would cut i’m always smiling and cracking sarcastic comments but ii done it last night and tonight ii am actually scared that its going to start a chain again i’ve stopped for a fair few months/year (?!) now i’ve started again. The weird bit is ii didnt even talk myself out of it, thats whats scaring me!! And ii have nobody with me when ii do it nor any credit to talk to my friends to help me take my mind offah it…
I’m getting increasingly worried, ii seem to be pressing harder -usually ii dont bleed- well tonight ii made myself bleed and what if it becomes so bad that ii carnt hide it anymore ?! ATM ii hide the marks with a pink&black skull sweat band that ii got as a xmas gift, but ii fear its going to get to the point where i’m put into hospital =S ii DONT want that to happen.
My parents would kinda kill me for me not to mention disown me!!! Noticed Caleb kind of has the same problem maybe some others do too ??!! One of my other friends is “emo” and she cuts too but i’ve helped her stop only now i’ve started ii fear she will too and not only that but my bestfriend isnt eating for everytime ii cut… ii have pressure mounting up on me to stop … great fun ayeh ?!!!!
Thank yoo for writing this article .x.
Thank god someone finally realises it’s an addiction. Like seriously, if I wanted to kill myself I would have done it years ago, it’s not about that at all, I’ve been cutting and everything since I was 13, I’m eighteen now. And I only do it because I think scars are pretty, and I love the sting.
Hurting yourself is NOT about attention!
Hurting yourself is NOT about wanting to kill yourself!
Hurting yourself is NOT about bloody EMO!!
Hurting yourself is NOT about proving how cool you are!!
Hurting yourself is NOT about having a weakness of personality!
Hurting yourself is NOT about self-hate!!
Why do I feel like these are all the reasons why I do it?
hello I understand what you mean I have the best family and wife and because of all the hurt been married 4 8 months and she can’t cope and wants me to move out which makes head all over the please I am on so many pills I don’t know if it helps or makes me feel worse I stay in bed a lot now which makes me think but I have lost the love of my life
I want to know if any one else here cuts words?
I do, on the left arm- not on the wrist. I like the burn when I clean it with rubbing alcohol. I feel better, every word I finish. They heal over, and I can’t wait until I can re-cut the same word somewhere else. I guess it is addiction. I can’t wait to get back to my residence, so I can put a new word, something I called myself that day, things that people have called me in the past.
Stupid, ugly, bitch, weak, coward, fool, idiot. I limit it to one a day.
Does any one else?
i do the same thing x
Lately things have been going bad for me. The urges are starting again. I thought I had this whole thing under control I’ve been free for 2 years now. For some reason I went looking tonight for photos of self injury. I think sometimes it helps me not to hurt myself. I ran across this. I didn’t think I would be able to stop myself from finding away to cause myself paint tonight. Some how this helped me. Thank you for writing this. For having the courage to talk about it. Thank you.
I read this, and I nearly cried. I’m only 14, but I’ve already done so many stupid things. OTC med overdoses, drinking, cutting, and this makes me cry. I felt the same way, and I still do sometimes. Numb, empty, life was pointless, and I was always confused, frustrated, as to why I did anything. I couldn’t sleep, so I drank and OD’D until I was tired. My scars were a cry for help- literally. It’s still there, in brown-purple marks, HELP, with the other scars. I couldn’t sleep, I wasn’t eating. I would wake up in the middle of the night and try to scrub the blood out of my sheets and pajamas because the cuts reopened. I couldn’t walk properly, but I couldn’t feel the pain. It was there, when the blade first make the mark, then the pain was gone. It faded into the background, no longer something to cry over. It got so bad that I could endure things that would have made me scream without flinching because it just wasn’t there. And yet, that last bit of pain, the blood, it made me alive. I’m still not over it, I won’t ever be. Not just because my life is so horrible I’ll always need an escape, because it isn’t. Because I will always remember the feeling, because I will always remember that for a few years, it was who I was.
THE FIRST THING I WANT TO SAY IS THANK YOU FOR SHARING. YOU ARE RIGHT WE WHO HAVE THIS PROBLEM IN OUR LIFE ARE THE STRONGEST PEOPLE.
I AM A 36 YEAR OLD WOMAN AND I HAVE BEEN CUTTING SINCE I WAS 13. I HAVEN’T CUT MY SELF WITH A RAZOR FOR 3 YEARS BUT MY NEW ADDICTION IS TATTOOES. I AM NOT PROUD OF THIS.. THERE IS ONLY 2 PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT I COULD TALK TO ABOUT THIS AND THEY ARE NOT FAMILY MEMBERS SO PLEASE HEAR THIS WE ALL NEED SOMEBODY EVEN IF IT IS ONE PERSON TO TALK TO.
i am 13 and i cut my wrist i have no one to talk to i know i need help
anytime you want to talk you can email me. sometimes talking is all you need but you never know until you try
lovleylittletragedy@yahoo.com
baileyfritters@hotmail.com
Talk to me if you want to. I can’t do therapy shit, but I also cut, so we can compare.
My heart aches for all of you, and yes, pain is very addictive. I had a friend who cuts, and four months ago she put a gun and her mouth and blew her head off! She was only 42 years old.
I have no advice to give, but my heart bleeds for each of you, as I have my own addition and I know how it feels. Don’t know if I will be back to read more, I am old and this is so raw that it hurts me to read it.
I wish you all peace.
ive self harmed for nearly 15years, the longest i have gone without self harming is a month, when my partner checked me daily for cuts. i self harm a minimum of twice a day on average 4 times a day on a bad day up to 8 seperate times at about 30mins – 1 hr 1/2 each time. until recently the only people who knew was my closest friend my mom (who thought i stopped when she caught me) and my partner. now my partner has told everyone i work with, occasionally they make nasty comments but other than that it doesnt get mentioned. they hide all the knives and blades though, which makes me feel worse. my closest friend knows and shes fine with it the best support ive ever had, she understands cos she does it too. the worst place ive ever cut is my groin it bled alot and hurt like hell, now i cut there atleast once everyday.
aiks. ive been a self harmer since i was 12.
and i agree its an addiction.
i just happen to find out about this site while doing a project based on “self-harming.”
if you dont mind,
id like to use some of the stuff here =]
thanks
love,
tash
I was recently admitted to hospital after a suicide attempt. Ive been self harming for 9 years now and most recent was 2 days ago.
This is the best explanation of why people self harm and what people can do to support others. i was having trouble explaining this to my family.
thank you very much because now i can explain in a way people will understand and not judge.
Hope everything gets better for everyone here.
all my love nikki x
hi im 21 ive bin hurting my self for 8 years i know tht doesnt add up.i did eventually stop cutting for 2 yrs as a promise of comittment to my boyfreind of the last 4 years.but of late i want it soo bad,i dream about it i get anxious about it,its in my mind 24/7 nd i want to really hurt my self but i cant and i cant talk to anyone cos wen everyone found out they either told me tht they were embarrased tht ther prize girl was such a dissapointment or my freinds called me a weirdo emo… but i dont even look or listen to emo music… i have noone to talk about what i want to do im scared to tell my boyfreind cos i know he will leave me.im scared tht i will cut again.it was so addictive when i wa doing it ,it became my only release because i have an anxiety disorder and ptsd as well as seasonal affective disorder.i couldnt tell my olds because they would just run me to the ground a bout ruining everything they worked for towards for me im just throwing it away…i started cutting as an accident,i was punching myself to get brusies buti heard my aunt slit her wrists and died i wondered about it then i was jumping a fence and got ,y arm on the barbs,,, from then on i couldnt find anything like it… pills alchohol,sex,fights stealing evenmy art ddnt matter compared to it.and now i find my self in tht same spot.. altho i havnt odne it i have felt like it from time to time,but i cut my leg on a fence the other week and all those addictive comforting emotions are back now its all i want,i want it more than my boyfreind at times…. im glad tht theres someone out there tht nos how this feels and is unjudgemental aoubt it…. but its not goin to stop me doing it again,and i have no apologeese…i love it like a child,as it grows,te memories of comfort tht come with eaach cut.. i love my scars,i love the sting i love the blood i love my razors,but its a love i cannot keep for i cannot controll it when i am in this romance…i am addicted and addicts relapse im just counting the days till my boyfreind finds out im goin to do it again.
I’m 13, and I’ve cut. Twice. The first one was the deepest. I absoltuley hate it when people say I’m emo just because they see the scars on my left wrist. It’s not like they know how it got there. But, I don’t have anything against emos. I wish people weren’t so very judgemental. I’ve told two people, and I learned that one has hurt herself too. I know it’s not very healthy, but I’m glad she does. I’m not alone anymore. You can barely see her scars. She hides them… well. You can see my first one from last year, and the other has faded. It wasn’t a suicidal attempt. It wasn’t for attetntion. That’s honestly the last thing that I need. Teachers have already called my parents for other stuff, which makes them hit me, which makes me want to cut even more. You’d think that when people found out, they’d be a bit less rude about everything, but, they’re all the same. I can’t stand it. I promised people around me I’d never hurt myself. I lied to the most important person in my life about it… numerous times. I hate it, but I know that I can’t tell. But, it’s not an act of suicide. I plan on having one child when I’m married and older(I’ll adopt others too.). But, I want to name my little girl after her… the woman that’s saved my life, numerous, numerous times, but doesn’t even know it. Thank you Mrs.#^%$*.
i just started cutting about a month ago i already have 27 SCARS i dont get why life is so complicated
That’s made me feel alot better, thankyou :]
Thank you so much. This helped me understand what i was really doing, that it wasn’t my fault and that I didn’t have to hide.
This gave me the courage to tell my family.
Telling my mother was hard, but it feels so much lighter inside now.
Now it seems like all the emotions I was holding are just pouring out (course now I’m bawling like a baby though) but now I feel so much more free.
I can’t thank you enough.
im 13! i started self harming about 6 months ago it started because Bullies and my parents fighting got to me! ive told 1 person my best friend mark i can trust him with my life! and i promised him i would stop bt it has become an adiction to me! the worst 1 was a couple of days ago, my parents wer fighting and i cut a broken heart in my thy! i had P.E the next day at school and had to get changed in the toilets because i didnt want anyone to see it! i havent got the worst case but i still think i need some help can anyone give me some advice? x x x x x
Lauren.
Hey(: I’m fourteen, fifteen next year. First off i would like to say i really do empathise with you. I started self harming when i was 11 nearly 12.
I didn’t seriously start untill i was thirteen.
It’s a scary place to be in, and it’s somewhere that not many people approach. It’s like walking on broken glass. You have to be so careful about what you say, or show or let on.
I’m no way out of the woods and would be lying awuflly to say i am.
But all i can say is it will get better. You need to have faith and you need to try and convince yourself and your mind that cutting isn’t the best way. It’s a relief to hear you have some one you can confinde and trust in, it really is. Three years on from me starting, i’ve only recently felt i can confront my problem and have on guy, my best friend in other words who i can talk to. But listen, don’t tell him you wont to it again if you will.
I know it’s scary but you’ve got to be honest. Self harming is a huge lie in itself. I’m sure you’ll know by now how much you’ve lied about it. Lied to yourself about how bad it could get. DON’T let it control you so much to the extent that you lie to your best friend about how’re you feeling and what you’re doing. That lost me a few of my close friends ’cause they thought i was fine and then found out how bad i was. And couldn’t deal with it. The key tip is honesty, with atleast one person you trust. That way you’ll never be alone with the problem. Lastly, don’t feel like you’re ever,ever alone. Because you’re not. the last thing you need right now is to worry. And possibly look into finding an adult to confide in, once you’ve got your mind a little more under control.
My best wishes for you, honestly.
Love xxxx
Ive looked up sites before and they are all meaningless to me, they agrivate me. This one helped me alot. Thank You. Im 14 And already ive become addicted, People think they understand, but really they don’t. This page really helped me just knowing I’m not alone. Thank you.
I agree whole-heartedly that cutting is an addiction. In the sense that if I’m depressed I’ll find my razor or if my cuts are fading then I’ll cut them back in. It’s true that I dont want to die, I just want to prove to myself that I do feel. This is a really good website for SI awareness, and I hope it helps people out. I on the other hand, don’t feel bad about cutting, I would probably feel bad if somebody knew though. If my parents ever find out i’ll show them this website. I think that’ll help in the long run. But for now, I guess I’ll continue with my sick addiction.
I agree. It’s something really hard to fight tbhqh. When you first start you never realise just how much of an impact one action will have on the rest of your life. People critisize the act of cutting so much they forget to look at the reasons behind why some one’s hurt themselves in the first place.
It’s almost something that over time your body thinks is programmed to do. When i’m really depressed or feel i’ve let some one down or i’m anxious, my immediate thought is, grab something sharp. Something that’ll prove to myself that i’m not hurting anyone as much as myself.
People need to help. Everyone has friends, everyone who cuts have people who love them, leave the scrutinising and sick humour so those who don’t care, because SI’s don’t need the people they value opinions of doing the same. They just need people who care. And who don’t demorolise them.
ive just turned fourteen, and ive been cutting for the last year. Last year, i lost my virginity to my bestfriend whos turned out to be my worst enemy. I fell pregnant with his child at thirteen years old. I had no choice but to abort my baby. It was one of the most cruel and heart braking things ive ever had to do. Since then ive been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Which i am both on medication for. I have three hours maximum sleep per day, i go to bed late and wake up early. I eat one meal a day, sometimes nothing. Whilst with friends, i force myself to be sick once in private. As a child, i would punch walls. I soon got bored of the thrill and needed the next big thing, as my knuckles were blunt and hardly there. I moved onto cutting. I cut from my top left shoulder, right the way down to my left wrist. Ive attempted suicide twice, both with overdoses and been admitted to hospital for a long while. My parents both know i do it, and blame themselves as my mental health is genetic. When i found this site, i dont think it has helped me because at the end of the day, reading some one elses depressing thoughts wont make anyone feel better. But i hope i can try to make them feel better. Because i know how much it hurts when you smile like nothings wrong, I know how painful it is to know your hurting the ones you love and to know time isnt on your side. When i was younger, i never thought my life would be like it is. But there is help out there, and people who are self-harming, or even feeling low. Talking to some one will help, even if it seems it doesnt. I for one, would never in a million years tell some one about my self harm, so what makes you think your friends will either? if anyone wants to talk more, e-mail me on emmafxckingsykes_@hotmail.com
I had to let my cuts heal so that I can wear short sleeves. I can’t let my parents gert suspicious. Now its very awkward to avoid swimming and beaches. I can never wear shorts though, the scarring is too bad.
I hope every day that no one questions my scars. I’ve lied a lot about them when people notice, saying things like the cat did it, or I was sleeping on my arm, and it left the marks. I hide them with my purse when I am out, but I am paranoid that someone will question me too closely, and my secret will be revealed.
Its so wrong that I look forward to winter so I can cut my arms again. The stomach just isn’t as satisfying.
im 14 and have been hurting myself since january. ive cared about a self harming friend since i was 11 and i think the stress of that was part of what triggered me to start myself (on top of other, personal things). i think the main thing is that everybody needs to know they are not alone, i know how people who dont understand react-particularly my parents- and i know that just makes the urges stronger. but there are many people out there who do, i thought me and my friend were the only ones at my school but ive recently made friends with 10 other self harmers. this may be a painful time, but there is always someone to talk to. if you are under 16 id recommend talking to the online counsellor at http://www.achancetotalk.com, and im sorry for taking up this space i just wanted to tell my story. take care xxx
Really nice thread, i read it all and understand how you feel and everything, (reading on might disturb you so just saying)i self harm because of how i feel inside this last weekend has been kinda rough starting on friday evening when i just snapped and had a go at my mums Bf that evening i left the house and came back about 1-2 in the morning i just walked round the streets for hours trying to get my head straight again, the next day i felt like shit, and i broke my shaver and took the blade out and spent about 20 minuites looking at it feeling really bad, then i put it to my arm and pulled it back fast it’s the biggest cut i’ve done and when i saw the blood rush out i felt such a feeling of relief and my thoughts went away for a bit, about 30 mins later after i washed my arm off, i felt angry at myself and was feeling down, i took a metal chain i had from some necklace thing and whipped my arm quite a few times, the pain was sharp and quick and felt good then i punched my arm numb and stopped for about 40 mins i was feeling ok and i rested on my bed, then i felt anger rise up so i went in the garrage and had a bottle of beer and punched a boxing dummy constantly for about 5 mins my nuckles were so numb after and hurt when i touched them, the day after (yesterday) i wasn’t so bad and just went to the dummy for 30 mins or so and pucnhed it, i’ve avoided my family for the last few days around the house and don’t understand why i get so inoyed with them, with my mates i feel alot more relaxed, they don’t judge me and we just have a nice time at college and down near the beach. i suffered from depression for about 3 or 4 years or so starting when i was about 11 or 12 (i can’t remember properly) but it was soon after my parents split up (i dont blame my mum, my dad was horrid) and i attempted my only suicide attempt so far when i was about 14, i took an over dose of my anti depressents i took around 20 (what was left in the packet) i was in hospital for about 3 days and was scared the day i took them. i’m currently 16 years old and taking 4 GCSE courses in N.devon college i still get suicidal thoughts and feelings, and havent really self harmed for a while (not including this weekend). i’ve suffered from M.E a fatiuge illness for the last 2 years and that hasn’t helped me at all tbh it has messed my life up more =( so that’s kinda of my life from the time my depression started to now. I got over my depression about 2 years ago btw it’s just self harming suicidal thoughts and a bit of M.E now :S. Thank you for reading this, i feel betteer now after writing this, i know i have kinda rambled on though
. So once again thank you for this thread you wrote and thank you for reading my comment, Good luck everyone LY! xx
all this seems like some1s read my mind abrt all this ialso feel like the few freimds i have told and trusted with i feel like im pushin them away and there gettin borded with me like they think its a game and that i do it for attention (but i dont)cos im the last person they wood fink of for self harmin cos im always hyped and crap i feel like nobody understands or gets it at all im glad i found this blog its helped alot
Thanks for writing this, i felt so relieved reading it, i know I’m not alone in this but its hard to find others that REALLY understand what its like…. I started when I was 12, now I’m 29 and i still do it. I wish I didnt, god i wish i didnt but i get the urge and i have to, i dont understand why i cant ignore the urge. I never understood the thing about it being a release, for me it has always been a way to check if i really am real, if i actually exist. I know i exist when i do it but then in a few hours i forget; i cant remember what finding out that i am real felt like so i have to do it again. I wish there was another way. I’ve been in therapy since i was 13 and nothing has changed in regard to S.H.-ing, I fear it will always be the only way I can tell if i am real or not, I feel like I’m someone elses dream, does anyone else feel the same? Even when everything in my life is going extremely well, for months and months, i get the urge. I always thought that if i could just find happiness it would stop, but i am happy and it hasnt stopped. I suppose thats the nature of addiction: we need it regardless of how happy we are. I wish i had no feelings sometimes.
I have been a
I started again.
i cant stop….