I was wandering around the web the other day and a picture caught my eye. It was an officer in the United States military and the message included that it was ok for men to admit they are having problems with depression. This is an amazing campaign and I believe and hope in the long run it is going to open the doors to a lot of men looking for treatment both from what they saw and dealt with during conflict and in their return back to the USA. The only problem I have is this campaign was started in 2007 and not decades earlier.

As a young boy you are taught that men are tough, strong and keep their emotions to themselves or else others will see them as weak. This message is taught by the parents, media and then society reinforces it. So when a man is hit by a turmoil of emotions instead of turning for help he tries to deal with it on his own and depending on the severity of the depression may very well decide his future. Instead of going to his doctor he begins to drink or use drugs to nullify the emotions that he is fighting to get buried which may eventually turn into an addiction but in a way that is okay as society sees men who abuse substances in a lot nicer light then those with mental issues even though the two go hand in hand in a very high percentage. Now this man be a functioning addict but what happens when his issues continue to build to the point where he loses his job, his family, his home and finds himself on the street panning for loose change. What happens when this man is tired of starving and freezing so decides to grab a gun to rob a bank or a little old lady. Now he is sitting in a jail cell with no alternate substance to cover his demons so the depression is very apparent ands looks unbeatable. The man has lost his family, friends, material possessions and suicide is a very attractive option when you have nothing left and you want the pain to end. Another jailhouse suicide. Who is at fault? The mental illness definitely holds some responsibility but what about the stigma that led to the decision to follow the wrong path? What would the story be if the man felt comfortable and did not worry whether or not society was going to look down at him so he sought treatment right away. Chances are his story would continue to be written instead of a premature end. The new military campaign is a wonderful act I just wished it started a long time ago.

Dealing with the Borderline Personality Disorder stigma is harder then the actual disorder for you find yourself constantly telling people that you can not sum up everyone with BPD with a simple sentence or assumption. Stigma with this disorder is similar to playing telephone in grade school, one person whispers a sentence in the person who is next to him/her ear then that person passes it along until you reach the end and find out the original message has been so distorted it is difficult to recognize. People takes a couple of bad examples then deems everyone else with the same disorder through one very narrow perspective and then tells all of their friends of this belief who continue to pass it along but it seems like no one stops this communication to actually take the time to understand the disorder so all of this false information is allowed to saturate through society until everyone takes it as common knowledge and then uses it to judge others. If I said I went on vacation to England and managed to have sex with three different women from the area so it must mean all women from this country are very easy and promiscuous then I started to pass out this information to everyone I knew. Would this become the new common knowledge? No because common sense prevails as most people would believe I just got very lucky in more then one way but when this same principal is applied to mental illness common sense is no where to be seen. The best gift that you can give to society is education which will combat the stigma that is created and hopefully prove that the common knowledge is full of errors. Remember when everyone thought that the world was flat or that Aids could be contracted by sitting on a dirty toilet seat or the only way to treat mental illness was lobotomies or that depression only effected women. The stigma can be changed but it is going to take a lot of hard work and education to accomplish it with people standing up and saying “I am sorry but what you believe is wrong. BPD has a wide scale on how it effects a human being so it is impossible to sum up everyone who is suffering under one simple category”.

The stigma that goes with self harm/self injury is so unbelievably full of risk that the fact it still remains scars the heck out of me. People believe that others self harm to gain attention so the best answer is to ignore it. I have had people fired over this stigma as I don’t believe that you should take the risk as the wrong answer may very well lead to a dead body. A scenario that I see constantly on different forms is a young teenager who in a flurry of emotions took a sharp object to his arm and caused damage to it. The child goes to the parent and says “Hey look what I did when I got upset”. The parent instead of realizing this child is screaming for help takes the stigma route and decides the child is just seeking attention so rips the teenager a new one about the damage that they are causing to their body believing that guilt will make the problem goes away. The next time the child hits a crisis he does the same thing except this time he does not tells anyone as he remembered the lecture from the incident before so he makes sure to hide his new marks carefully. I wonder how many suicides were actually cries of help that went unheard because people believed the person was just trying to get attention, I wonder how many self harm accidents were documented as suicides and I wonder when society is going to realize that a mentally sound human being does not purposely hurt themselves no matter of the reason behind it. Your child shows you a cut on his arm that they are responsible for you grab him/her by the ear and drag them to the closest emergency room for this situation it is better to take the approach of covering all bases instead of playing with fire with the belief the child is just seeking attention.

Negative stigma is what kept racism going for so long as well as sexism but as a society we were able to learn that instead of labeling a group as one model instead we take the approach to look at each human being individually so can some one tell me why this does not apply to mental disorders? My neighbor BPD and I share some common characteristics but we are two separate people so please look at the human being and not the disorder when deciding what you think of me as a person.

by untreatable

(Click for larger image)

by Pakmum

Good morning, welcome to the mental health hotline…

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn’t matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s and grandmother’s maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

I have a confession to make.
I do.
I have been lying to you all.
Yep.
Absolutely!
I’ve been lying to everyone for the last 28 years, 11 months, 3 weeks and lord knows how many seconds! Now, a week or so before my 29th birthday I have decided to come clean, stand up and confess. Has to be done, no question about it, can’t keep up these lies any more.
Ok…?
Here goes…

[deep breath]

I
am
NOT
a
MAN!

[blimey that feels good!]

It’s like this fifty eight thousand tonne weight has been lifted off my somewhat hairy back. It’s true though – I’m not.

It’s perfectly understandable why you’d all think that I am, what with; the presence of a beard, chest hair, rippling muscles, an Adam’s apple, a penchant to get a hard on at the mere passing thought of a naked woman, and the ability to turn into a raving ape at the actual sight of a naked woman…and oh yeah, I’ve got a penis.

But alas, I am not a man.

Why?

Well, I don’t feel the desire to – when ratarsed – piss in shop doorways; I don’t wolf whistle at woman as they walk down the street; I don’t chug pints of beer as a hobby; nor do I watch sports [breath] I don’t shag other women when I’m in a relationship; I remember birthdays and anniversaries and all sorts of grossly inappropriate important events; I never leave the toilet seat up nor do I feel the need to play the “I can get less urine in the bowel than you” game [breath] I think beer tastes like luke-warm yak’s vomit; I don’t feel the need to lie to a woman constantly in order to (a) impress her (b) cheat on her or (c) bang her; I don’t play football nor receive ridiculously pseudo-erotic pleasure from watching guys running around a field in tight shorts but I do however receive ridiculously pseudo-erotic pleasure from watching a man in a waistcoat screw a ball the length of the table [breathe] I see woman as more than just t-a-c; don’t keep a tally of how many lays I’ve had; I drink alcopops…in public…have never vomited into a pint glass; stolen a witch’s hat; got into a fight; screwed my girlfriend’s best friend nor would I no matter how tempted I may be [breathe] I’d never slap a woman in the face; nor on the ass as a means of coming on to her [smaller breath] I would never give a woman a job based solely on the quality of her posterior; nor get into a discussion about rating my friends’ tits on a 1-10 scale; I wouldn’t scribble 100 words for a woman’s sacred garden above the urinals in the pub…sacred garden? You need more proof? Fine…my mood changes frequently; I talk about my emotions; am not afraid to cry if I want to; nor even when I don’t [breath] I want babies; I want commitment; I like living somewhere where I can see the carpet; I’ve never measured my cock when I’m alone; when I’m talking to a woman I’m looking at her eyes – not her tits; I really don’t see the appeal of a g-string; think cricket is bloody stupid; and would much rather be sitting on a beach talking to a woman about the advantages/disadvantages of John Howard than sitting on a beach staring at her arse [breath] I really don’t see why women need to shave their legs; or their armpits; or their moustache and to be blunt would much rather sleep with someone with a bush hairier than a badger’s back than a bald bush smoother than that of a prepubescent schoolgirl; oh, and I care more about woman orgasming than I do my own, colour me selfish that way [breath] I have no problem ballroom dancing with another man; I have no problem hugging another man; I have no problem talking emotionally with another man; I have no problem crying in front of another man; I have no problem going to see a Doctor if I’m sick; nor do I have a problem with eating an egg and broccoli quiche whilst asking for directions from a man chowing down on a steak sandwich; and oh yes, I admit to making mistakes.

[breathe]

[before I pass out]

Bloody hell I could go on all day, but hey, the easiest way to prove my massive (almost) 29 year long deception – I have no problem with standing up before the whole of the world and announcing: I am suffering from depression!

[oh]

[hang on]

[ummmmmm]

I…ummm…made…a…mistake.

Sorry. Sorry everyone. Dammit, I got it wrong.

I am actually a man after all.

A hell of a man!

Far more so than anyone who fits into the categories I described above; and any man who dares say otherwise may very well be the second person to get a bitch slap from me. And any woman who dares say otherwise – well – if I don’t know them they may get a scolding glare, if I know them, maybe a slap on the butt (‘cause remember I don’t bitch slap women nor do I slap their asses as a means of coming on to them, keep up!)

To be a man, is to be one thing: courageous.

In today’s world, where men are vilified by woman on an almost global scale and forced to become the Neolithic apes they despise so much in order for them to be interested in you (I know, go figure!) being a man is to have the courage to: cry whilst watching Bambi; actually ask for help from the female shop assistant when buying lingerie for your girlfriend; talk about tampons and hormones with your girlfriend; order quiche in the restaurant; actually buy lingerie your girlfriend would like and feel sexy in rather than something you want to see the female shop assistant wear for you; tell your girlfriend if you’ve had a fight with your best mate; cry whilst eating the best piece of tofu you’ve ever tasted; nervously shake when you kiss a woman for the first time; say no to your girlfriend’s best friend when she’s seducing you in the nuddy; realize sport is a complete waste of your life; that pissing in doorways just makes you look like a twat; take your girlfriend’s tampon out of her bag and give it to her without treating it like a live hand grenade; nervously shake when you kiss a woman for the first time badly; ask where her clit is & if there’s anything you’re doing wrong; cry if you’re feeling upset; not hit the first thing you see if you’re drunk, angry or stupid; say I love you in circumstances that don’t involve blow jobs; nervously shake when you kiss a woman for the first time badly and then joke about it afterwards; not always follow your penis’ every request; admitting to how you’re feeling; follow your beliefs no matter what they may be or how derisive your friends are being; not always cum first and then falling asleep; put the toilet seat down; go to the Doctor; tell your girlfriend you have a problem; hell, tell any of your friends that you have a problem.

Being a man is having the courage to stand up and admit that you have a mental illness and not care what anyone thinks.

[And I’m not just saying that because I’m a man who is doing this same exact thing]

That one simple word is all what being a man is. Believing in yourself so much that you don’t care what other men or women think of you. If other men can’t handle it, then, they don’t deserve that beer they pretend to like so much. If women can’t handle it, then, remember that the most important thing is the emotional connection you have, not how many or how often you’ve shagged.

Quality, not quantity.

This insipid culture we now live in where a man is considered to be weak, worthless and spineless because he admits to having a mental illness is what is costing lives. More men die from suicide every year than women. More men go through life in pain than women. Why? Because they’re too afraid to admit they have a problem. Why? Because they don’t have the courage to stand up to the fear, derision and masculine stripping vilification they will receive from all corners if they do. Why? Well, that’s just because everyone’s decided what a man should be instead of realizing they are – like women – human. Men don’t come from Mars any more than women don’t come from Venus (and just for the record, you don’t have to like visiting Uranus to be man).

One of the purest forms of the stigma against mental health is also one of the vilest forms of stigma out there; sexism. And however controversial this may sound, it’s being propagated by women just as much, if not more so, than by men.

Women desire men to be men and this means not having flaws or problems or weaknesses.
In order for a man to be accepted they must act in this way regardless of how they’re feeling.
For we wouldn’t want to be weak now would we!

In a discussion on mental illness I was once told by someone that they could believe and accept in the existence of a woman suffering from post natal depression, but could not believe that depression was something a man could suffer from. In other words, in women it is perfectly acceptable but in men, it is seen as a weakness, a trait to be avoided, ignored, derided and laughed at.

Is it any wonder why so many men are blowing their heads off or chucking themselves off bridges?

Tell me, what’s more courageous?

1. Bottling up all of your emotions so that a woman can respect you, only for your brains to redecorate your office?
2. Admitting to a woman that you have a problem, even if it means never visiting her sacred garden again?

Yep, you’re right.
If it is indeed true that a woman can’t be attracted to a man that cries, then there is something seriously wrong with the world in which we live. Men have feelings, men feel pain, men hurt – and they should be allowing to show it without recrimination.
Women need to realize this.
Men need to realize this.
We all need to realize this.

by Addy
Originally posted on All that I am, all that I ever was… (November 2007)

“This shift to biological explanations in our own lifetimes did not just come out of the blue. It is driven by NAMI, and funded by the pharma industry. Questions for you:

Why does NAMI drive this theory, despite studies that show biological explanations increase stigma? … Who, besides NAMI has set up the causation debate between that of bad character or biology?”

In response to some great questions from flawedplan , I’ve been considering why the biological explanations of mental illness have triumphed in the common understanding about causation. Unfortunately, I have no idea of the answers to many of his/her questions but I think the biologic explanations for mental illness have become predominant because of the confluence of a number of trends.

Firstly and most obviously, big pharma has driven this paradigm because it dovetails with their commercial imperatives. If mental illness is primarily biologically caused then pharmacological interventions are quite naturally the best and, indeed, the most rational treatments. The influence of big pharma on determining the debate in this, and in neutralising dissenting opinion, via its enmeshment with drug approval entities and professional bodies that define what is and is not mental illness and via advertising and “astroturfing” community-level understanding of such illnesses, cannot be underestimated.Secondly, psychiatry in its desire to be considered a “real”, hard science has abandoned what it considers outdated psychological aspects of its history and practice to embrace the more physiological explanations for mental illness. At its most crude: Freud et al = bad, neurotransmitters = good. This shift has been driven more by a desire to position the practice of psychiatry to enhance its authority, validity and prestige rather than in response to the science.  The evidence of the biologic nature of mental illnesses is actually very weak.Thirdly, the commercial pressures applied to health extend beyond big pharma. There is a strong incentive for people needing treatment for mental illness and their primary carers (both medical and social) to redefine mental illness from behavioural/situational to physiological/biological in an effort to get the care they need in a system that is fundamentally concerned with containing costs. Health insurance companies, whether private or public, are less likely able to refuse paying for care when the cause of an illness is considered biological.Fourthly, the system in which we live has a vested interest in locating the source of mental illness in the individual rather than looking at systemic causes of distress and dysfunction. Although this doesn’t discount the explanations of mental illness as “character flaw” or other “personal failure”, such explanations implicitly question the relationship between the person suffering and the society in which they live. But to ascribe the cause of mental illness to biology/physiology is to remove any responsibility from society and place it entirely on the individual’s “broken brain”.Finally, there’s a strong impulse in our Western cultures to search for technological solutions for problems, regardless of the cause of those problems. We’re encouraged to have such faith in science that we almost instinctively look to that paradigm and methodology for explanations and solutions. The unconscious belief is that any difficulty we encounter can be remedied by science.  “Hard” sciences (such as biology and neurology) are privileged over “soft” sciences (such as psychology and sociology). In such an environment, it’s inevitable that biologic explanations of mental illness will be considered more valid.There’s an interesting article by Guy Rundle, “This is the Night, Remembered if Outlived” from Arena magazine. It’s quite old but, like a lot of Rundle’s pieces, it’s well written and says much that makes one think. There’s a particular paragraph that I think is relevant:

Furthermore, a shift in the process of self-understanding had begun to occur, with people’s reading of themselves as ‘systematic’ beings — rather than as selves or souls — starting to become a dominant mode by which behaviour is interpreted. This was not a new phenomenon of course — everyone learns to recognise the effects upon themselves of, say, drunkenness, and to distinguish between their ‘intrinsic’ and chemically induced emotions — and this sort of self-understanding is vital within a limited scope. But to give oneself over to this sort of thinking about one’s whole personality is to make it impossible to interpret any given emotion as a meaningful event? Angry? That’s a rush of adrenalin. Stressed, nervous, hunched, tired — your cortisol is out of whack. Feeling low? No, you’re serotonin deficient.

by auchel

Hiyas all. Bit bored at work today, little outta it after a night of partying and stumbled on the blog. Wanted to throw my two cents in with a quick wee quiz. It’s kinda Scottish related, me being a celtic gal’n'all but kinda relevant to the whole mental illness schtick. Hopes ya enjoy Will write more after chrissy, have a good ones all

Take Sammi’s Scottish Stigma Quiz…go on now, else I’ll come get ya!

by samceebell

 

Disclaimer:

I AM NOT PRO-SELF HARM!

I am not advocating the self-infliction of injury.

People who self harm have a problem and need help and support.

This post contains written examples of injuries I have inflicted.

Please do not read if you think you will find this disturbing or upsetting.

We’ll start with a bang to get everyone’s attention:

I ONCE PURPOSEFULLY IGNITED A FULL BOX OF MATCHES IN MY CLOSED FIST

So what’s your reaction?

OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!      ?
HO-LY …!!      ?
OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!      ?
[stunned silence]    ?
OOOWWWWWWWW!!! OWWWWWWWWWW!! OWWWWWWWWW!!   ?

My guess is all of the above, and then some.

Try these…

My top 5 most painful injuries, as inflicted on myself, in reverse order:
5) When I was 14, I stabbed a pencil into my finger whilst in the middle of a class at school.
4) When I was 21, I whipped myself so hard with a belt it I couldn’t sit, lean or lie on my back for just under a week.
3) A couple of days before being diagnosed as having a breakdown, I was sitting on a beach in Port Fairy. I started a small fire, took one of the burning sticks, and burned both my chest and shoulder. It was this event that made me realise I needed to see a doctor!
=2) That box of matches hurt like…well…a box of matches igniting in your closed fist!!!!! I had burns on the palm of my hand, thumb and two fingers for weeks.
=2) In July 2007, I knocked myself unconscious by throwing myself into a tree.
1) The cutting/hitting/burning incident in May 2007 prior to my suicide attempt.

I had to start like that! There was no other way to do it. Like every single form of mental health problem that exists, we need to talk about self harm in order for the stigma to be eliminated. The only way to do this is in a blunt, bloody and brutal way.

Hurting yourself is NOT about attention!
Hurting yourself is NOT about wanting to kill yourself!
Hurting yourself is NOT about bloody EMO!!
Hurting yourself is NOT about proving how cool you are!!
Hurting yourself is NOT about having a weakness of personality!
Hurting yourself is NOT about self-hate!!
Hurting yourself IS a symptom of a larger problem!
Hurting yourself IS a symptom of a larger problem which the person may not even be aware of!!
Hurting yourself IS AN ADDICTION!!
Pure and simple.

Even though burning myself with that stick hurt like nothing else, I’ve still burned myself since. Even though I couldn’t sit down for a week, I’ve still whipped myself again. Even though I bled all over my school books, I still stabbed myself with a pencil again.

Like any form of addiction – gambling, drugs, smoking, chocolate, porn – you simply have to do it again, only with every new time you do it, it has to be bigger in order for you to receive the same “hit”. Cutting yourself once will do the trick, but sooner or later you find you need to cut yourself dozens of times to receive the same fix. This is where the problem hits, because sooner or later you’re slicing a pound of flesh from your arm and not even feeling it.

This is where people who aren’t even suicidal are killing themselves by accident.

I’m not saying that everyone who self harms isn’t suicidal, nor am I saying that anything which I have written above about what self harm is/is not is set in stone. People self-inflict for all sorts of reasons, but from my experiences not only with my own self harm but also talking with people, who do the same thing, they aren’t suicidal or weak (in fact, some of the people who self-inflict that I know personally are the strongest most beautiful souls I’ve ever met)

I started self harming in 1993 whilst I was at school. I was able to get this under control by mid-1999 whilst working at the video shop. Throughout my time backpacking I was not having any urges to do so and thought I had it under control.
I did relapse however during the last four months of 2000; whilst trying to cope with Rachel’s death, restarting college and after my first suicide attempt [remember that word for later; after.]

From December 2000 to December 2006 I only self harmed on two occasions. It wasn’t until my breakdown in March 2007 that I relapsed and once more began doing so. I was able to get it under control again between May 2007 and July 2007, but suffered another major relapse, and have self-inflicted on/off since.
The last time I self-inflicted was two days after my last suicide attempt, October 2007 [and note the use of the after again].

My trick with self-harming was to attack parts of my body which I could cover – legs, arms, buttocks, back, chest – by throwing on some form of clothing, beit a jumper on the middle of a summer’s day or a long sleeve T-shirt on a cooler one. Always with injuries which wouldn’t leave any long-long term scars.

I would always use similar methods – cutting, burning, scolding, hitting – and every now and then, when the mood struck, would become creative and run into trees or ignite boxes of matches in my closed fist.

I was never doing it because of wanting to kill myself, or hating myself, or wanting to prove how tough and resilient I was. Nor was I doing it for attention – if attention was all I was after I would release a wombat into a crowded shopping precinct or streak Brunswick Street on a Sunday afternoon. It was always about this PAIN-PLEASURE balance I mentioned in an earlier post.

(And no, I’m not referring to this pain-pleasure as in a sadomasochistic way – ‘cause if that was the case whenever I felt like self-inflicting I would just go visit a dominatrix and have some sexy woman whip me rather than doing it myself.)
I’m referring to the coping mechanisms people have when their internal pain becomes too great.

Remember I said earlier to note the use of the word after in relation to my suicide attempts. The reason I self-inflicted after those attempts was as a way to control the inner conflict, pain and turmoil my mind was going through as a result of them. It was a way to stop me from trying again! It wasn’t because I still wanted to die; it was because I wanted to live!

The other times I self harmed was as a way to feel something. Life had become numb, frustrating, painful, empty and meaningless. The over-riding feeling of loneliness and emptiness is a powerful influence, because we live to feel, and if we are feeling nothing then what is the point of being alive? Again I wasn’t self-inflicting because I wanted to die, it was because I wanted to feel something: to feel like I was alive!

Having a tree knock myself unconscious, burning my chest and not sitting down made me feel something that I was missing.

Hence, why, before my third suicide attempt I did self harm – as a means to grab some physical feeling. something to convince myself not to go through with what my brain was telling me to do. However, on this instance, no matter what pain I caused myself, it didn’t work.

Overcoming the urge to self-inflict has been one of the hardest things I have had to deal with through this tumultuous time suffering from depression.
As I said above, IT IS AN ADDICTION. Pure and simple!

And anyone who has tried giving up smoking or gambling or Lindt or badgers will know that overcoming addiction is fucking hard! Not only because of the pure level of addiction, but also because it means having to face up to whatever problem is feeding that addiction in the first place. Whatever buried pain is making us smoke, drink or gamble needs to be faced up to. In essence, we need to become whip-wielding dominatrixies in order to tame and eventually command our problems.

To overcome self-harm we, like with every form of mental illness, we need to start talking about it in order to understand it, in order to help people overcome and control their addiction.

So how can you help? If you know someone who self-harms here are a few pointers:

- Whatever they’re doing DON”T take it personally. It isn’t about YOU!
- Be available and LISTEN to them if they need to talk.
- ACKNOWLEDGE their pain, it won’t make it go away, but it will make it more bearable.
- DON’T avoid the subject or pretend it’s not there.
- ASK THEM “I know you hurt yourself and I would like to understand it a little more, could you maybe explain why you do it? I’d be grateful if you could.”
- DON’T confiscate their “tools” (because I guarantee you this will lose their trust and they will just get more creative anyway)
- BELIEVE in them and BE HOPEFUL
- DON’T push them
- TAKE the initiative and distract them; take them to the cinema, rent a DVD, bake some chocolate brownies, go to a trivia night, go for a walk, have a playful pillow or water pistol fight, hell, if they’re your bf or gf, do a seductive strip tease and get them thinking about that cute butt of yours.
- DO spontaneous acts of kindness
- Be available, and willing, to LISTEN if they need to talk.
- EDUCATE yourself – slip on your Willow hat and hop on the net for some research.
- SUPPORT them physically; call them up and tell them you’re worried about them and invite them over for a game of scrabble or a blueberry muffin.
- SUPPORT them emotionally; go to the Doctor/Psychologist with them.

And please, please…whatever you do…

- DO NOT TRY TO MAKE/ORDER THEM TO STOP!!!!!!!!! If you make them feel guilty, or punish them in any way, this will just add fuel to their addiction.

And please, please, please, please…whatever you do…remember to…

- Take TIME OUT and recuperate, caring/loving someone who suffers from any form of mental illness is exhausting and you need to look after yourself.

Although it’s confronting, brutal and painful to think that people you care about are inflicting this pain on themselves remember that to them it is merely an addiction. A symptom of a larger, possibly unknown illness or condition, and they just need some help and support in order to get them through it.

As we’ve all experienced from time to time: the over-riding feeling of loneliness and emptiness is a powerful influence. It’s time to stop judging people who self harm, and start understanding what they are feeling; it’s the only way to understand their pain.

More self-harm pages on this blog you may be interested in:

• Self Harm: Coping and Distraction Tips
• DOs and DON’Ts of Self Injury
• Seven Ways to help stop SI

by Addy
Originally posted on All that I am, all that I ever was

I’m going to point out something that many may find convenient to skip over.  This is the reality that the ‘medical’ view of depression, suicide and mental illness promotes stigma. Of course, this medical view and the pharmaceutical establishment are ultimately derived from both misunderstanding and greed, the former which can be further derived much from a high paced lifestyle in which critical thinking is discouraged and so on and so fourth.

If a mental illness is an ‘illness’, it’s very easy for people to say ‘Oh, it couldn’t happen to me!’. Perhaps they might say ‘That guy is just messed up! Don’t bother trying to help!’. See, if it is an objective ‘disease’ or ‘illness’ it’s easy to pass off as not subject to influence by others, including themselves. That means that their actions supposedly will not have an impact, and they don’t need to intimately spend time trying to help. It isn’t a human problem, ‘you can’t talk to disease’!

The ‘genetic’ theories of mental illness have been around since before DNA was even discovered, merely on presumption based on no evidence whatsoever. Thus, the cart has become before the horse, and by this it can be shown that these theories have arisen due to social construct rather than genuine scientific evidence.  Perhaps personal ignorance and lack of empathy has played into this, after all, it has never been convenient to have to deal with someone who is ‘mentally ill’, especially if you had something to do with it.  A bigger picture is that society has a big role to play in why people are mentally ill. We have little left to offer in terms of quality; all that is left comes mostly in the form of mass quantity. Much of the time we are too busy scrambling through a rat race to attend to ourselves or others. In the meantime, we are showered by shallow rewards and distractions so that we don’t wake up from this stressful state. It’s far easier for society to blame the individual for a flaw rather than look at not only the immediate environment around such a person but their large scale environment. In the past, societies did indeed try to cover their tracks, but because interactions were commonly more honest and direct (executions instead of life sentences, etc), poor systems fell more quickly. Now, society covers its tracks very well by virtue of sheer massiveness and replaceable parts.

The stigma of mental illness mostly results from lack of empathy and caring, to tie this up. But that lack of empathy,  if one looks closely, has many roots.

by sociopathicregret

“Pop quiz hotshot; how many times have I used the word stigma in this blog?”

Got your answer, good, scribble it down on a piece of paper because you’re about to do some basic maths. (You shouldn’t need a calculator)

Now, head over to Facebook and see how many times I’ve used the word there – and remember, there’s more on Facebook than just a profile page, we’re talking about every single time I have used that word there; groups, blogs, wall-to-wall messages, the lot!

Got your answer, excellent. Scribble it down after the number you had from this blog.

Now, go onto DepressionTribe, My BlogLog, MySpace (ick), every single blog listing directory I am on. Go into every message board, forum, chat room, email and website I have visited or sent in the last 4 weeks and take down every single time I have used the word stigma. To make it a little easier, some of my room IDs are: addy, straythoughts, addy50of3, allthosestraythoughts and naughty_addy (for those times when I’m just feeling cheeky!)

Got all those answers.

Excellent.

“Pop quiz hotshot; how many times have I used the word stigma on the internet as a whole in the last 4 weeks?”

You answer is…?

Well, I can’t tell you if you’re correct or not because, to be honest, I couldn’t even be bothered working out how many times I’ve used it on this blog, so whilst you’ve all been hurriedly trying to work this out in the hope of winning a sandwich toaster or a “John Howard: He’s a Twat!” commemorative mug, I’ve been logged in to some of those chatrooms having some cheeky fun as and messing with all your sums by just repeatedly typing stigma over and over again. Ah, good times! I will however ask this:

“Pop quiz hotshot; what the hell do I mean by stigma?”

Well, I can tell you that according to Dictionary.com, stigma is: a mark of disgrace or infamy or an identifying mark or characteristic. In other words, it is when you label a particular person, or group of people, as deserving to not receive as much respect as others. It is a mark of disgrace, it is a mark of ill repute, and it is a mark which they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. It is a mark which makes living a “normal” life almost an impossible task. Drastically affecting how they are perceived; by strangers, the media, employers, the medical profession, and even friends.

It’s interesting that an archaic meaning of stigma is a mark made by a branding iron on a criminal or slave. From my experience, I believe that there are people out there, who would happily make it law to physically brand someone who is suffering from a mental illness. This way the greater population is made aware of this shameful “lesser” human being so they can avoid them at all costs. So why not just do that?

I have had to endure so much stigma in regards to this part of who I am that, just like so many other people like me, I have been mortally afraid of mentioning it, talking about it, admitting to it, discussing it and making people aware of it so often in the past simply because I did not want to be judged for it. This is a risk I am running now and it is a risk that I am willing to take.
How is it a risk?
Easy: It is going to affect EVERYTHING that happens in my life from this point on!

People are now completely aware – or have the possibility to be aware – of everything about me. All those panic attacks and cigarette burns and suicide attempts and self-assaults with the knife are now available for the world to see – to read – to digest – to judge – to insult – to criticize – to throw back in my face. It’s going to affect friendships (past and future), relationships, family, employment, medical…my god what the hell am I doing???? I think I have just pretty much abolished any chance of that ridiculously twee dream of wife, two kids, job and a cute pet wombat.

So…why exactly am I opening up the darker recesses of my soul for the whole world to see?
Simple.
The answer has so far been written 9 times in this post – it was in the title.

STIGMA

Stigma is the very reason I finally decided to open myself to the world. I am tired of people seeing me as some crazy worthless piece of crap. I am tired of being considered to be a selfish self absorbed little man. I am tired of being accused of being lazy, weak and malingering. I am tired of being told to “cheer up and just get over it”…! I am tired of lying and pretending about my past and who I am. I am tired of people just not understanding what it is that I feel and go through. I’m tired of the misconceptions.

“Pop Quiz Hot Shot! True or false!
1. Psychiatric disorders are medical conditions like diabetes or heart attacks.
2. All people with a mental illness are violent and dangerous.
3. Mental illness is indicative and a result of bad parenting.
4. Addiction is a lifestyle choice so that makes you morally weak.
5. Depression and anxiety does not exist in children or teenagers, it’s merely “teen angst”.
6. Schizophrenia is split personality and as such there’s no way to control it.
7. A change in brain chemistry is a cause of depression.
8. You can cure a mental illness by pretending it’s not there and wishing it away.

(no peeking now!)

. TRUE
2. FALSE
3. FALSE
4. FALSE
5. FALSE
6. FALSE
7. TRUE
8. FALSE

All of the eight questions were examples of common myths and preconceptions surrounding mental illness. I’ve included them as an example of some of the views that contribute to stigma which I have had to face over the years.
1. I have a medical condition, accept it. This is singularly the most recurrent example of stigma I have ever encountered. For some reason, and it has never been explained to me exactly why, people seem to believe that there is no such thing as mental illness. That it is something I bought on myself
2. Aside from the occasional moments when I’ve swatted a fly or a playful sexy bottom I’m not a violent man. I’ve never been in a fight, I’ve never whacked someone with a fish, I’ve never smashed a beer bottle over someone’s head and I’ve never even hurled a koala at anyone.
3. My parents were awesome, can’t say in any way they were bad.
4. I am not morally weak.
5. ANYONE who has ever read the book Alone by Myself will never again believe that depression cannot happen to teenagers.
6. Schizophrenia is NOT split personality! Schizophrenia is a brain disorder that robs people of their ability to think clearly and logically.
7. Well duhhhh…
8. I swear that the next person who expects me to do this will be the very first person that I hurl a koala at!

I will state this now – YOU CANNOT CURE A MENTAL ILLNESS BY PRETENDING IT IS NOT THERE! You cannot solve anything by merely pretending it is not there. You can change the way you think about yourself by pretending, and as a logical step you can change the way you act by slowly believing this is who you are. However, at some point in time, this pretence will come crashing down around you, simply because you are lying – not only to yourself – but to everyone around you.

Sooner or later whatever it is you are lying about, whatever it is you are pretending not to feel, whatever it is you are pretending in order to avoid, will have to be dealt with in some way. You cannot run forever. You cannot hide forever.

I say this, because for many years, I tried to pretend I did not suffer from depression. I ignored it. I refused to take medication, go to psychologists, admit I had a problem, or seek help during the times that I felt this pretence slipping. I built a world on a foundation of lies, and for a while this world was the epitome of beautiful wonderment. It was a world that came crashing down around me – I had been pretending for so long, that when an earthquake that could only be described as a minor tremor rippled though my life, the foundations I had built upon were so weak that they collapsed and I didn’t have any knowledge of ways to cope with what I was feeling.

This belief that mental illness doesn’t exist, and that it is merely something I’ve created, is singularly the most dangerous form of stigma I’ve encountered. It is the bare bones in fact of the danger stigma against mental health and illness can cause – it is what is creating all the problems. Why? Because it is stopping people from admitting that they have a problem, and it is stopping them from seeking medical help!

Everyone wants to be normal, accepted, loved and lusted after.
Everyone wants a normal life consisting of a wife, two kids, job and a cute pet wombat.

If they are suffering from a mental illness, in the world as it is now, they are being made to feel abnormal because of the problem they have. They are being forced to hide from the world what it is they are feeling because they know that they won’t be accepted. They’re gonna be laughed at, ridiculed, insulted, accused of being selfish, malingering…they’re going to be made to feel like a “lesser human being” merely because they have an illness that people just don’t seem to understand. An illness which people will “label” them with for the rest of time.

Therefore, they have to pretend to not feel what they’re feeling. They have to forget about the pain and problems that they have. They have to bury them, ignore them and as a result do not seek treatment because by doing so will incur the wrath of the misunderstood majority. Ultimately they are forced to suffer ALONE, and if they are, then the chances of them not being able to cope increases exponentially – and this could lead to suicide.

I know – I’ve been there.

You would not expect someone who is suffering from diabetes to fight it by themselves without help.
You would not expect someone who is suffering from cancer to just pretend they didn’t have it and that this would cure them.

So why do people expect those suffering from a mental illness to do the same?
Why are people who suffer from a mental illness being labeled by some, as a lesser human being?
Why are people who suffer from a mental illness being made to feel ashamed of the problems they have?
Why are people who starve themselves, cut themselves, attempt suicide, have breakdowns, and suffer depression made to feel weak for seeking help?

The only answer I really have is because of the huge misconceptions that surround the world of mental health. The misconception that people who suffer from a mental illness do not have control of their mind – that they are people who wander the streets shouting at that invisible troop of gerbils, or are people who sit at home dressed as a badger polishing Mr Pointy, before heading out into the night convinced they are Badgie the Vampire Slayer. The misconception that people who suffer from a mental illness do not even have an illness so should just cheer up, stop malingering and dragging everyone down into their insidious tragedies.

Is there anything we can do to change this?
I don’t know about we, me? I’m trying – because it was this ill-conceived stigma that inspired me to write this blog in the first place. Yep, I am running a huge risk here. I am ripping myself open to the world, lying down all of the scars, metaphorical welts and bruises I have accumulated in the one singular hope that it may – just may – start making people realize what a mental illness feels like. What it can do to not only you but the people in your life that know you.

In the days leading up to the creation of this blog I spent a lot of time in depression and mental health related chatrooms and message boards – and one of the most common things I saw posted were all to do with how people felt alone and misunderstood. How they were scared of admitting how they felt because no-one – including themselves – considered them “normal”, or did not want to deal with the rejection they were expecting. What I wanted to do was create a place that was not just this is how you overcome depression that wasn’t just explaining what mental illness is and it’s symptoms. Yes, you will find those things here, but I wanted to create a place that described in brutal honesty exactly how I feel from time to time.
The thoughts in my head.
The voices whispering in my ears.
A place that may just make someone realize that they are not alone.
A place that may just make people understand mental illness a little better.
A place that comes not from a medical point of view, but a personal point of view.
A place that comes from the heart.

I wanted to create a place where one man, just one tiny insignificant voice in the whole pantheon of mental illness on the internet stood up against the oppressive prevalent stigma so determined to; silence, objectify, malign and destroy those suffering from mental illness. I wanted to stand up to all those people who want us to just pretend we don’t have a problem, who want us to vanish or disappear – and proclaim “We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive!” and then just hope, that someone will listen, someone will start to understand, someone will change their mind…and that no-one (and I mean no-one) notices that I just quoted Independence Day in the public arena.

So, in conclusion, if those suffering from mental illness are to be physically branded, I would be the first to throw my flesh onto the table before that white hot metal rod.

by Addy
Originally posted on All that I am, all that I ever was