I found this on a Facebook group and really loved it so wanted to share it with everyone:
DOs and DON’Ts of Self Injury
01. Don’t ask them why. If they want you to know why, they will tell you. Most of the time they don’t even know why.
02. Sometimes they just need to tell someone, because they fucking need to.
03. Never talk about him/her behind their back. They will find out and they will be pissed. They prefer you to speak directly to them.
04. If you ask them to never self-harm again, and they say “okay”, they’re lying.
05. Never ask them to never self-harm again.
06. Don’t try and understand why they do it. You’re wasting your time.
07. If you don’t know what to do, just ask them “Are you [insert appropriate form of harm here]? Do you need to talk about it?”
08. Get over your own insecurities about worrying if they’ll hate you for asking.
09. Asking shows concern. Not asking shows negligence and an “I really couldn’t care less” attitude.
10. Telling a teacher/parent/counsellor/other friend before talking to the person in question shows “I can’t be fucked working up the courage to ask them myself”. But it’s better than #09.
11. Offering suggestions of other means of coping is pointless.
12. Tell them that you’re there for them. No matter what. And you never judge. And you will always listen. And you will always just be there. And sometimes you never have to say a word at all. Sometimes they don’t want you to say anything.
13. It does not mean they love or enjoy pain.
14. It gives them the right to make fun of themselves/other self harmers.
15. Depending on the situation, it does not give you the right to.
16. Classifying them as “emo” only reduces yourself to an illinformed bitch who believes you’re God’s gift.
17. It is not always a case of attention-seeking. A lot of the time it isn’t.
18. Self harm is a way of coping with emotions. While most people might cry and scream and rant and rage, self-harmers generally don’t express those sorts of emotions openly, and bottle them inside. The only way they know that works of releasing them is by inflicting pain on themselves. Hence the NOT ATTENTION SEEKING.
19. If they wanted attention they would go slit their wrists in the toilets at school and walk out with their clothes soaking in blood, collapse in the middle of the school grounds, and wail.
20. Other people self harm because they’re so emotionally numb on the inside, they need the pain to remind themselves that they’re alive.
21. Others hurt themselves because they believe they deserve it.
22. There are 39846324956234986487562387456238475123518746459865 other reasons for self harm.
23. There is not one direct cause. There is usually a trigger. A trigger may be a picture of a cut. That will get them thinking of cuts. That will get them into the mindset of cutting. And inevitably, they will want to cut.
24. Other triggers include any form of high negative emotion.
25. There is a difference between cutting for release and cutting for addiction.
26. Addiction-cutting is when you used to cut because you needed it, and now you cut because you can’t stop. You have no way of controlling the emotions without cutting. So you cut when you’re angry, sad, depressed, etc. It works. Temporarily. So when the same emotion comes up, they do it again. Only this time it doesn’t work as well. So they do it harder. And etc.
27. They know they shouldn’t do it, it’s no use telling them that.
28. Some of them like their scars, some of them hate them. Some are proud of them, some are ashamed. Just because one likes them and the other doesn’t, does not mean that the one who likes them is “okay” with what they do.
29. The need and want to self-harm rarely goes away.
30. Ask them questions about what they do. If they don’t want to talk about it – don’t push it. But if they do want to talk about it – keep asking questions. Don’t let them do all the talking. Ask questions. Questions are caring. Questions show them that you love them enough to want to know what they do, so you can understand and be there for them as best as you can.
01. Don’t ask them why. If they want you to know why, they will tell you. Most of the time they don’t even know why.
02. Sometimes they just need to tell someone, because they fucking need to.
03. Never talk about him/her behind their back. They will find out and they will be pissed. They prefer you to speak directly to them.
04. If you ask them to never self-harm again, and they say “okay”, they’re lying.
05. Never ask them to never self-harm again.
06. Don’t try and understand why they do it. You’re wasting your time.
07. If you don’t know what to do, just ask them “Are you [insert appropriate form of harm here]? Do you need to talk about it?”
08. Get over your own insecurities about worrying if they’ll hate you for asking.
09. Asking shows concern. Not asking shows negligence and an “I really couldn’t care less” attitude.
10. Telling a teacher/parent/counsellor/other friend before talking to the person in question shows “I can’t be fucked working up the courage to ask them myself”. But it’s better than #09.
11. Offering suggestions of other means of coping is pointless.
12. Tell them that you’re there for them. No matter what. And you never judge. And you will always listen. And you will always just be there. And sometimes you never have to say a word at all. Sometimes they don’t want you to say anything.
13. It does not mean they love or enjoy pain.
14. It gives them the right to make fun of themselves/other self harmers.
15. Depending on the situation, it does not give you the right to.
16. Classifying them as “emo” only reduces yourself to an illinformed bitch who believes you’re God’s gift.
17. It is not always a case of attention-seeking. A lot of the time it isn’t.
18. Self harm is a way of coping with emotions. While most people might cry and scream and rant and rage, self-harmers generally don’t express those sorts of emotions openly, and bottle them inside. The only way they know that works of releasing them is by inflicting pain on themselves. Hence the NOT ATTENTION SEEKING.
19. If they wanted attention they would go slit their wrists in the toilets at school and walk out with their clothes soaking in blood, collapse in the middle of the school grounds, and wail.
20. Other people self harm because they’re so emotionally numb on the inside, they need the pain to remind themselves that they’re alive.
21. Others hurt themselves because they believe they deserve it.
22. There are 39846324956234986487562387456238475123518746459865 other reasons for self harm.
23. There is not one direct cause. There is usually a trigger. A trigger may be a picture of a cut. That will get them thinking of cuts. That will get them into the mindset of cutting. And inevitably, they will want to cut.
24. Other triggers include any form of high negative emotion.
25. There is a difference between cutting for release and cutting for addiction.
26. Addiction-cutting is when you used to cut because you needed it, and now you cut because you can’t stop. You have no way of controlling the emotions without cutting. So you cut when you’re angry, sad, depressed, etc. It works. Temporarily. So when the same emotion comes up, they do it again. Only this time it doesn’t work as well. So they do it harder. And etc.
27. They know they shouldn’t do it, it’s no use telling them that.
28. Some of them like their scars, some of them hate them. Some are proud of them, some are ashamed. Just because one likes them and the other doesn’t, does not mean that the one who likes them is “okay” with what they do.
29. The need and want to self-harm rarely goes away.
30. Ask them questions about what they do. If they don’t want to talk about it – don’t push it. But if they do want to talk about it – keep asking questions. Don’t let them do all the talking. Ask questions. Questions are caring. Questions show them that you love them enough to want to know what they do, so you can understand and be there for them as best as you can.
See also:
Great list, thanks for posting. Stuff like this needs to be shared
Wow! this list is absolutely true..i wish people around me could read and understand its meaning.
I wish that the people around me knew #4. I can’t stand it- they ask me not to do it, they take away any ’safe’ ways I have, such as rubber bands. And they believe me when I say I won’t do it, except for my friends who have done it. And even then, they don’t get it when I try and inform them of my injuries in an indirect way. I overreact to being touched where an injury is, I intentionally make obvious lies, I complaina lot, and the thought of me cutting again never seems to cross their minds. They know I don’t want therapy, so I won’t tell them. Why can’t teachers, people all over, just hand his list out? I know more than just me would benefit.
I totally know what you mean Kristen..i told two of my close friends thinking they would be there for me and instead…they deny it or believe me when i promised to NEVER do it again. I think i made that promise more for them to be comfortable and to let them think “in a perfect world” but that’s just not the way it is. I’ve also been threatened by it. I told my friend in confidence and she said if she “caught” me doing it again, she’d tell everyone i care about. All that tells me is to play smarter..? People just don’t get it do they!?
They don’t get it. My friends support me though. One of them is truly worried about my well-being and wouldn’t do anything against my wishes, like telling a teacher. but she asked me to never do it again, and all I could say was I don’t think I could promise that. She wants me to get better, but i don’t think I’ll ever truly be ‘better,’ I’ll never be able to escape the feeling, the need, and the regret. And, whenever I think I might be able to trust someone, yo tell someone how I truly feel, I learn they think it’s just another ‘thing’. I act happy, I’m the spazz, the class clown, so no one thinks anything is wrong. I got into a conversation with a friend about Demi Lovato’s supposed cutting, and I learned that she thought it was just an act. How stupid can people be? Because of stupid Hollywood stereotypes and popculture, people think that self-harm is attention seeking. Because of stigmas against things like this, no one wants to accept the reality. It is covered up for a reason, and yet no one seems to get it.
these are all totally true. #4 and #28 are especially important. everyone just goes yeh when you say ‘okay’ i wont do it again and i get called emo cos im not ashamed of my scars. I did it to myself its my fault i shouldnt be ashamed of them. people talk and whisper all the time and even one of my friends who also does it thinks im jus doing it to be coll cos i show my scars.
thanks for the blog!
These are so true. And I’m such a happy and cheerful person in front of everyone. But recently things have gotten hard for me, and no one thinks its a big issue, so then i result to cutting, then they say I’m an attention seeker. Its so stupid!
So they asked me to stop, took the razors and needles away. But there is kitchen, cds, wood… To stop i need to release, not be left without “toys”. Then those who don’t care. They suck. I like the list.
wow. number one the school counselor and my therapist need to learn. And also with the whole parents/friends making you promise to not cut yourself again. It just makes you feel guilty and worthless when you go and end up cutting again the next time. And by taking away all sharp objects just makes you feel even more ashamed about yourself, and make you want to feel the release all the more.
oh well…
oh yeahh, <3 the list btw