How you can help someone with depression

Here are some ideas of actions you can do to support and help your family member/friend who is suffering from depression.

Please remember to take time out. I cannot reiterate enough on this blog how important this is; do not overexert yourself or forget your own feelings. Coping and caring for a depressed person is demanding, exhausting work. So take you time to stop emotional burnout.

Some things to remember before hand:

• It is possible someone is suffering from depression without even realising. Ask them how they are feeling, raise the possibility of depression and find out exactly what is going on. Talking about depression is far better than avoiding the subject, and talking about it helps more than not talking about it. If depression is a possibility, recommend professional help.
• It is important to reaffirm to the depressed person that asking for help and seeking professional weakness is not a sign of weakness or flaw in character. It takes courage and strength to admit to a problem and asking someone for help – be they a friend, family member of medical practitioner. Encourage them in taking this course of action.
• The next step which should be taken before you can fully help and support your loved one, is to understand exactly what depression is. So get that Willow cap on once more and jump on the internet for research; the links on the right side of this page should help.
• Someone suffering from depression is in a fragile state of mind. However irrational the depressed person’s feelings or thoughts are try not to talk them out of it; arguing or insisting they are wrong will just antagonise the situation. Remember that depression is an illness, so there may be no immediate noticable effects in your efforts to help or cheer them up.
• If things are not going well and you are getting frustrated with the person’s depression, sullen, pessimistic mood try not to take it out on them. It is a symptom of their illness, so direct your frustration at this, not your loved one.

Some things you can try:

• Take the initiative. A depressed person is often not thinking rationally about themselves and may not be able to make decisions or choices. Invite them to a movie and pick yourself what film to watch, or if your lover is the one suffering from depression, instead of waiting for them to make the first move under the sheets – do it yourself!
• Drop by for a visit. There is nothing worse than feeling depressed and isolated; dropping by for a visit and a chat can work wonders in making someone feel that they are not alone. When you are depressed it is hard sometimes to find the clarity to cook a decent meal, so do it for them, or bring over a healthy afternoon tea.
• Phone them. A friendly phone call every now and then, even if they’re not really in the mood to talk, can help them feel wonderful as someone is taking the time to phone.
• Bring them a cup of tea or breakfast in bed without them asking for it. Simple, direct, from the heart. It’ll make them feel lovely and want to actually get out of bed.
• Have fun with them. They may not look or be acting like it, but a depressed person really wants to be having fun – so attacking them for being “down” will only create feeling of guilt and frustration within them. Instead of attacking them, do something fun! Whip out a board game, throw down a game of poker, drag them to the pool hall – hell – go release your inner child at a playground.
• Spontaneous acts of kindness. Everyone loves these! It makes you feel all warm and gooey inside. Drop a wee present into their letter box, leave them a card or letter, surprise them with a nice creamy bun.
• Ask them to help you with something. It will get their mind off of their issues for awhile, and they’ll get to spend time with you. So ask them to help with your school assignments, a bit of shopping or reorganising your room.

Let’s keep this list growing…send me your tips and things you’ve tried which have worked.

Some *naughty* things you can try:
i.e – if it’s your boyfriend or girlfriend who is depressed.

• Three words: naked…pillow…fight!
• Without them even asking, give them a massage.
• When you see them, just walk over and give them a snuggle, and I mean a snuggle, not a hug or cuddle. Just lie there and hold each other, caress a little, and don’t say anything. Let your touch do the talking to show them how much you care about them.
• Have a bath or shower with them. Sometimes this can be very difficult for a depressed person; your naked presence may give them the boost they need to get under the water (plus, it’ll make them smell nicer, which is just a bonus for you!)
• Two words: water…fight!
• Do something spontaneous that you know they’ll like but you don’t usually do – for example, if they’re a bit kinky, give ‘em a slap on the butt during sex or cheekily flash them if you’re in a secluded public spot.
• Just give ‘em a kiss for fracks sake!
• If it’s a gorgeous sunny day, pull out your togs and get those butts to the beach. Just lie on the sand in each others arms, and do it until the sun has set, and beyond.
• Three words: naked…food…fight!

Let’s keep this list growing…send me your tips and things you’ve tried which have worked.

Some warnings to bare in mind:

• No jokes about the subject or how they’re feeling: depression is a serious illness.
• Depressed people are sensitive – be careful with what you say or do.
• Don’t take on more than you can handle (again, avoid your own emotional burnout)
• Don’t be nosy. If a depressed person doesn’t want to talk about it, forcing them will only make the situation worse. Remember, listen, don’t dominate.
• It’s possible to overdo you efforts to cheer someone up; so don’t overdo it.
• Be patient. Depression is not cured overnight or in a few weeks, it takes time, and effort from all involved.
• Do not blame them for how they are feeling.

I would like to point out that every depressed person is unique – and that they are a person! What I have written above are things which have either helped, or would have helped me in the past. They may not work for everyone, but if your loved one is depressed, you should know some of the things which they may like or respond to. Give them a try.

Ultimately, you will not be able to cure them of their depression. Only they can really do this – but actions to show how much you care and/or love them will work wonders in helping them with their battle.